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Sunday, May 2, 2010

Nightmare On Elm Street 2010: My Review

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A little over two years ago I was bursting with joy when I read that Platinum Dunes was planning to bring back Freddy Krueger for a new “Nightmare On Elm Street” movie. I posted up a blog about how excited I was that my all time favorite horror movie villain was coming back to theaters.

About six months later I was blogging again, but this time with outrage and disbelief that they were planning to replace Robert Englund with a new actor to play Freddy. Back then the actor that was rumored to “fill his shoes” was Billy Bob Thornton. I couldn’t believe it! As much as I love Billy Bob, I was disgusted at the thought that anybody other than Robert would be portraying a role that he made legendary!

Then 2009 comes along with the news that the actual actor that’ll be replacing Robert is Jackie Earl Haley. My first thought was “Who the fuck is that?!” and then “No fucking way can anybody else ever play Freddy! Robert Englund is and always be the ONLY Freddy!”

So for basically two years I have been pissed as hell at the thought of the new “Nightmare” re-launch. A re-launch that the ‘powers that be” thought was necessary because they wanted to “return Freddy to his roots.” They wanted to make him“ more scary and less campy” because they felt that’s what he had become in later films.

But as pissed off as I’ve been at the thought of a “Freddy without Robert,” I’ve also been just as curious to see what they’ll do to my favorite character. How different will they make him? What will he look like? Will they change his clothes? How will he sound now?? As pictures started coming out and trailers were released, these questions were slowly being answered, but one question still remained: How will Jackie Earl Haley’s portrayal as Freddy and the new “Nightmare On Elm Street” compare to the original? And that’s one question that can only be answered by going to see the film. So that’s what this die-hard Freddy fan decided to do.

Lord help me, I should have stayed home and watched a pirated version on my computer.

Here’s my thoughts and opinions about 2010‘s “Nightmare On Elm Street.” A spoiler or two may be included.

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MY REVIEW: NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 2010




So many things that went wrong with this film that I don’t even know where to begin. The storyline was about as dull as it could get. You have a movie who’s main villain stalks and kills people in their sleep. That’s one of the most unique ideas for a slasher film ever!! The possibilities of what you could do with that should be endless, yet Platinum Dunes comes out a movie so damn boring, it’s almost equivalent to watching paint dry!

I know you’re probably thinking, “How could the movie be that bad, when it’s a remake of the original?” Well it’s not exactly a remake, but more of a movie with the same idea as the original. Some of the characters have the same names, but that’s were their similarities end. Actually the character’s are what made the movie so damn boring. I found them uninteresting and pretty much lame. In the original, the characters felt relatable and likable. The new Nancy was made out to be some artsy, introverted outcast, and the rest of the characters werent much better. I couldn’t bring myself to like any of them one bit.

Then you had lame attempts at remade scenes! A total of four scenes were directly lifted from the original, every single one of them paling in comparison. Then you had the final kills. There was probably three of four scenes that involved kool finishing kill moves, but even those left you unsatisfied. One final kill scene involved something that happens in the original, but it lacked the gore, as did another scene, that the original had.

Now this brings me to Freddy himself. The remake was supposed to be an attempt at making Freddy more frightening, because the original Freddy became a campy jokester. Well shit a fuckin brick!!! During the entire remake, all Freddy did was go around saying these lame ass jokes, attempting to be scary, while scraping his knives together! Some of the dry humor he used were similar to the original, but while Robert was able to give Freddy’s dry humor a freight factor, Jackie’s version came out sounding just plain snoozey. In a couple a scenes he came across as just plain creepy, but not as in a Freddy creepy, but as in a 70 year old pervy man kind of creepy! I know Freddy was originally attended to be a child molester, and I liked that that’s the direction they used for this film, but having him comes across as more of a dream pedophile than a dream demon was just too fucking much for me stand! Freddy’s not supposed to come back to take revenge on the children of Elm Street just so he can get his fuckin cookies off on Nancy. Wtf?!

Then there was that voice, which damn near put me to sleep. And I swear to God, one time he actually reminded me of Sling Blade, I thought he was going to ask for some French fried taters! He did do a pretty good job at laughing though, I’ll give him that. He should have just laughed and chuckled during the entire movie. And don’t even get me started on his face. OMG. He looks exactly like a hairless cat, but in one scene he straight up looked Chinese!

Overall the film was just straight up boring. Freddy wasn’t exciting at all. The personality of Robert Englund’s Freddy is what made the original movie a hit. His personality changed the entire atmosphere of the movie, while Jackie’s Freddy didn’t bring any kind of a spice or flavor to a very sleepy movie. By the middle of the movie I was hoping the real Freddy would show up to put me out my misery. The only Nightmare was that this film was ever made.

Bottom Line:

ROBERT ENGLUND IS THE ONLY FREDDY KRUEGER.

PS: And another thing, this new Nightmare movie didn’t even have Freddy morphing in any way whatsoever. One of the coolest scenes in the first movie is when Freddy is walking with his arms stretched out. Like I said earlier, this new one just walks around looking like a hairless cat! And the original had more blood and Freddy's self mutilating gore that was awesome. Oh and of course there was Johnny Depp ;-)

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